from A to V

I never claimed to be a hero, or the hero of the day
in fact,
I distinctly remember
often
sharing how dark
and black
I am
inside.

I never wanted to be your hero
(you’re SO old, SO ugly, SO fucked in the head and yesterday’s trash)
in fact,
I doubt anyone could be.
You change who you are
at
the
whim
of your
mind.
And yet you continued to pursue me.

Like some sort of backwards moth
you fluttered around
warming yourself
to my cold
dark
heart.
Falling in a way that I should have seen,
and yet
I was mesmerized by the worship.
And yet you continued to pursue me.

I had nowhere to go,
nowhere to run -
stifled
by the constant chokehold of a crooked genius
and a master manipulator,
for this was not your first game
I was not your first victim.
And yet you continued to pursue me.

I saw the tears, read the stories
heard the cries for help.
But when did you really need help?
WHEN?
were you truly the victim?
DID?
the assaults really occur?
WAS?
Samwise really a part of your life?
HOW?
much is delusion and how much is reality?
And yet you continued to pursue me.

You twisted the truth
when
you felt
the
time was ripe.
You destroyed friendships.
You served as
referee
in your game called
crushing the innocents.
And yet you continued to pursue me.

I told you
You are strong.
But now, I see the truth.
YouAreTheWeakestIndividual-I-HaveEverBeenCursedToKnow
because it is only the weak
that continue to pull
the
victim card…
time and time again.
And yet you continued to pursue me.

Your best bet is to stand up
stop lying
stop smiling
accept who you are
and
Deal
With
It.
Quit using others
for your own selfish gain
and
STOP
CRUSHING
INNOCENTS/INNOCENCE.

You have no idea what I may do when backed into a corner.
I suffered away as an injured puppy before
taking the blame for actions that were not
mine.

But no more will I sit in silence
and idly stand by
and watch
as I am
and those closest to me
are destroyed.

No more.

You are not the victim any longer.
It’s time for me to turn the letter I wore upside down
And go
from
A
to
V